


say

by TheDeviantSentByJericho



Series: Self-Preservation and Self-Loathing [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad Logic | Logan Sanders, Songfic, Suicide Attempt, Sympathetic Sides (Sanders Sides), Very very heavy on the comfort, but they can be read standalone, the 'hurt' is in the prequel, you can tell i'm a virgil stan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:53:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27871090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeviantSentByJericho/pseuds/TheDeviantSentByJericho
Summary: Logan tells his famILY a secret.
Relationships: <- could be read as platonic or romantic, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, LAMP (Sanders Sides), LAMP - Relationship, Platonic LAMP, i guess - Relationship
Series: Self-Preservation and Self-Loathing [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2038966
Comments: 10
Kudos: 90





	say

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote a fic called "logan in the corner" where logan attempts suicide, to be stopped by janus (then known only as deceit). deceit makes logan promise to tell the other sides about it, but the fic cuts off as logan leaves (to do so). some people were requesting to see the scene where he tells them about it, so... here you go. the aftermath.

_I just lie awake and play it out in my head_   
_Like I know what to do_

Logan didn't go to meet with the others immediately. He knew he needed to, of course.

Deceit had managed to bring him out of the cognitive distortion that had previously plagued him, but he knew full well it wouldn't last, and if he was going to even begin healing the others _needed_ to know before then- but... It wasn't exactly the easiest conversation to have, much less start. What it he was right and they really did want him gone? What if they took him less seriously? What if-

 _Stop it,_ Logan told himself firmly. _You sound like Virgil._

That wasn't an insult to Virgil, by any means- the purple side couldn't help his thoughts, and it didn't diminish his value, especially as they were so important to his doing his job ~~as painful as it was to watch him suffer.~~ But the thoughts _were_ unhelpful and untrue, and the reminder that they were simply part of ~~warranted~~ anxiety and not fact was helpful.

Leaning against his own door again ~~in the same spot as Before,~~ Logan sighed. "I'll tell them soon," he mumbled, as much to himself as to any potential serpentine listeners. Deceit _had_ said he'd be keeping an eye on him until the others knew and he was safe. ~~Would he be safe when (if) they knew?~~

_Searching for  
Another way, another way, another way  
To keep you safe_

Pain radiated up from his arms, and looking down Logan realized he'd been digging his nails into his flesh without realizing it. Quickly removing his hands and standing, Logan examined the damage. Just a few red semi-circles that would fade in minutes, fortunately. 

He needed to find the others.

But how would he tell them?

He needed to, he _knew_ that! But he didn't know _how._

Logan didn't know.

And it **terrified** him.

_Thomas,_ he decided, and sank out.

The human was sitting at the kitchen table on his phone when Logan came in- talking to Joan and Talyn about work, he knew, which made Logan feel even guiltier for interrupting, but as soon as Thomas noticed the blue side he looked up and set his phone away with a smile. "Logan! What's up?"

Thomas could already tell something was wrong.

To be clear, Thomas was _not_ an observant person. But he was good at telling when people were upset, and honestly? Logan looked like shit.

His eyes were baggy and bloodshot, his tie and glasses ever so slightly askew, and his lips were pursed in a manner that looked more akin to Virgil or Patton trying not to cry/have a panic attack than anything Logan usually did.

"Lo... Are you okay?"

Logan sighed, and pushed his glasses up his nose. "I... well...I'm..." He took a deep breath. "If you have a moment, I think we need to have a famILY meeting."

_It's easier_   
_To run away, run away, run away_   
_Than to know what to say, say, say_

They gathered in the living room. Pretty much every person in the room was staring worriedly at Logan, but he pretended he didn't see it. After everyone was settled and quiet, Logan turned to look at them, then away again, fidgeting with his tie. He took a deep breath and tried to think of what to say.

_Best to just get it over with._

"I have something I need to tell you all." Logan cleared his throat and closed his eyes. "I am afraid I have been keeping something... rather important, from you. You see, I am..." he choked. The words wouldn't come. He just- 

He couldn't say it.

He physically couldn't.

_Wish I knew what you're thinking_   
_Words don't come that easy_   
_We might be broken by design_

"Yeah, Logan?" Patton asked gently, eyes worried. "I-"

Virgil stood and walked over to Logan until his eyes were all he could see. His expression had faded from barely restrained terror to- sympathy? Concern? ...Understanding?

"It's okay Lo. We won't judge you. Take a deep breath, okay?"

He tried, he really did, but-

_What if what if what if whatifwhatifwhatifwhat-_

"Logan." the voice was firm, but kind, just sharp enough to cut through the fog of desperate thoughts without brushing against Logan's currently fragile mind. "You can touch me, if you want." Logan's eyes widened a little- Virgil didn't like touch, especially if he didn't initiate it. ~~He must be really worried.~~ The purple side continued, gentle, reassuring. "Breathe out. And in. Follow my lead, okay? It's going to be okay. I promise."

It took a moment. 

"I'm- I-" He focused on his breathing again. There were so many eyes _staring_ at him and he _hated_ it but- but at least the eyes were kind. "I'm sorry. Thank you, Virgil."

"Anytime, nerd." Virgil stepped back a step, but not quite enough to leave him. As much as he hated to admit needing it, Logan appreciated that Virgil had a knack for knowing and respecting other's needs and boundaries. Honestly, he doubted Virgil knew he was doing it.

They waited, patiently, for Logan to find his voice again.

He hated this feeling. This fear, this worry, this-

Anxiety.

"I tried to eliminate myself."

The words fell out before he could stop himself.

_I'm losing all control_   
_'Cause I wish that I could break the fall and save it all_   
_I've been holding it too close_

Patton.

Hands over his mouth, tears welling in his eyes. Pain radiated from the cyan side in waves.

Roman. 

Eyes wide, posture tense. Shocked. Anger repressed to avoid causing more hurt.

Virgil.

Calm posture, sad eyes. When did he guess?

Thomas-

Logan turned to look at Thomas, slowly, trying not to show his desperation.

He was met with a multitude of emotions, all mixed up and twisted. Emotions weren't Logan's favourite, and it was as impossible for him to understand Thomas' expression as it was to read Mayan.

_I don't know what you're thinking,_   
_Words don't come that easy._

_We might be broken by design._

Thomas stepped forwards, hesitant, slow.

"Logan... Would... Would you like a hug?"

"I- I suppose, if that's what you want, but don't... don't feel _pressured_ to-"

Warm, real, _human_ arms wrapped around him before he could say anything more. At first, it was strange. But...

He couldn't help himself.

Logan softened in Thomas' arms, and slowly began to weep.

_I can't help how I'm feeling_   
_Scared of my own reasons_   
_I don't wanna waste your time._

The others joined, slowly, first Patton, then Roman, even Virgil. Safe inside of his famILY's arms, for the first time in a long time, Logan felt loved.

**Author's Note:**

> the last one was a songfic, so i figured i needed to pick one for this one too hiudhfsad so it's say, by ruel  
> it's not as good as the last one, because i wrote the fic first and inserted the lyrics afterwards, but it works well enough, i think
> 
> also no one caught the secret message in the last fic :(


End file.
